In the Mirror: Finding Beauty
Posted: Saturday, October 01, 2011
by Casey Starkweather
When I look in the mirror, I see many different things. First, there's the physical. I see a girl with too much flab here and a bit of fat there. I also see a collar bone and part of a rib. I see fat hanging and grossness abound. I do not see what I want, even though I dieted, starved, and purged to get there. I never got there. I see a short girl, not tall enough to reach the top shelf but still having to duck in low crawl spaces. I do see fat, I always see fat. But sometimes I see past the 'fat'. Tonight, when I looked into the mirror, I saw bright green-gray eyes with a hint of brown. Sometimes I notice the bags under those vibrant eyes, bags caused from lack of sleep. As I write this, it is half past four in the morning. I see a girl who so rarely can sleep, not because she does not want to, but because she just does not have the time. Sometimes I see a bruise on those cheeks. A bruise that I do not even remember getting. I see pink, blank, and brown hair, for I can never settle on just one colour. I see the hair that was once long but now is shorter and has bangs. Bangs that make me look my age, that give me some depth. I see the scars that cover my arms and shoulders. I see the way I stand, the way I move.
When I look into the mirror, I can see all kinds of different things. But recently, I have taken to notice something new. I still see the fat and the ugly, when all I want is skinny and pretty. Because that's what society has preached to me. And for years that is what I have tried to achieve. But now? Now I see something else. I can see the beauty of the girl in the mirror. She is not 90 pounds and 5'7, but she has her own beauty, her own strength, her own self. Her presence, her gentle nature, her kindness, it shows through her reflection. I don't just see a body. I see the girl who people notice. Not because she has pink hair, although that might play a part in it, but because she has a ready smile and a gentle word. She is soft spoken and quiet, but she is also always present. She may not say a word, but her silence, and her eyes, speak volumes. When I look into the mirror, I see a beauty that I did not know I possessed and that I am proud to have. It might not be a beauty that many appreciate, but there is something to be said for confidence, will power, strength, and compassion.
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Top-level comments on this article: (3 total)Your article is so honest and raw, Casey, it's so brave of you to write this way. It makes me sad that you have to deal with so much pain, but I think it's brilliant that you are finding your beauty.
Wonderful and very moving, Casey! Love yourself the way you are, a message so many women need to hear. You have a beauty on the inside that shines through in your writing. Please write more.
Beautiful article, I am much older than you and have not nearly achieved the wisdom you have attained.
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